Time-Traveling Through Fatherhood: Choices That Matter
As I approach 50 and reflect on nearly 12 years of fatherhood, I have come to understand what it truly takes to raise a decent human being. Raising two daughters while balancing the demands placed on me has given me a deeper understanding of not only my parents but also myself.
Whether you are a parent or not, you are certainly someone’s son or daughter. And, like many children, as we grow older, we start demanding answers from our parents. Some of us receive those answers, while others do not. Some of us blame our parents for who we are, while others choose not to. But regardless of whether we find closure or not, time continues to move forward. And here’s the truth: knowing why you are the way you are doesn’t necessarily mean it will change you into a better person.
For a long time, I was stuck in that space — searching for answers, trying to make sense of my past. Since I am among those who never got their questions answered by their parents, it was up to me to find my own closure and accept my parents for who they are. One thing I’ve vowed to do differently in raising my daughters is to ensure that when the time comes, I will have answers for them.
I know the questions are coming:
- Why did you and Mom separate?
- Why didn’t you teach me Romanian?
- Why did you let me do ________?
- Why didn’t you stop me from doing ________?
- Why did you do this and that?
I expect plenty of these questions as my daughters grow older. That’s why, in everything I do — whether with them or on my own — I ask myself the same questions they might ask me 10 or 20 years from now. I’m creating a “time tunnel” between the present and my daughters’ future, a way to not only make the best decisions in the moment but also equip myself with the right tools to help them understand who they are and why they are the way they are. More importantly, I want to help them, if needed, find their own closure and move forward.
One unexpected benefit of this “time-traveling” exercise is that it has helped me prioritize how I spend time with my daughters. When we are in the same room, each doing our own thing, I often ask myself:
“Is this really the best way I can spend time with them? Will I look back one day and wish I had done it differently?”
This question immediately brings clarity. It helps me see whether what I’m doing in that moment contributes to the meaningful time I want to share with them.
So now, whether I’m in another room reading or mindlessly scrolling through Instagram, I pause and ask myself the same thing. Often, I find myself putting my phone down, getting up, and walking into my daughters’ room to spend real, quality time with them.
A Lesson from Wrestling: Keeping an Objective Eye on Life
Whether it’s fatherhood, career, or any other goal, I try to keep an objective eye on myself as I teleport into the future to analyze the decisions I’m making right now. Whether it’s the near future or 10 years from now, this exercise helps me put things in perspective.
I learned this technique during my years wrestling for the Romanian national team. Our team doctor would religiously weigh us in every other day. Since I was one of the athletes who struggled to maintain my weight class, I had to think twice before eating or drinking anything. Every choice I made — every meal, every sip — affected my ability to stay on track and compete at the right weight.
Now, I find myself applying that same principle to every aspect of my life. It has helped me with raising my daughters, building my business, and staying in shape. That’s why I wanted to share it with you.
I believe it’s a powerful tool — one that, if we’re not afraid to face the truth, can help us stay accountable and on track with our goals.
Regrets of the Dying: A Lesson in Perspective
I once read an article about the top five regrets people express on their deathbeds in hospice care:
- Regrets about family. Many people wish they had spent more time with their kids, spouse, siblings, or parents.
- Wishing they had been a better person. Often, it’s not until the end that people regret not being kinder.
- Wishing they had taken more risks. Many people regret not stepping out of their comfort zones.
- Missed opportunities to express feelings. People on their deathbeds frequently have loose tongues — suddenly, they are open about their emotions and regrets.
- Not offering forgiveness for an old wrong. Many wish they had let go of past grievances and made peace with others.
For some reason, these have stuck with me throughout the years. They continue to guide me and, hopefully, help you live a more meaningful life.
At the core of all this — fatherhood, self-reflection, and life’s biggest regrets — is the importance of being present and intentional with your time and decisions. Whether you’re raising a family, pursuing a career, or working toward personal goals, take a moment to step into the future and ask yourself if the choices you’re making today will serve you and those you love in the long run. Just like in sports, where every small decision affects your ability to compete, every action you take now shapes the life you’re building. You may not always have all the answers, but by staying mindful and proactive, you can create a life with fewer regrets and more meaningful moments.