DON’T BE A SCHMUCK. 6 DO’S AND DON’TS IN DATING.
Do you ever wonder why people have a hard time finding meaningful, long-lasting romantic relationships? I think it’s because most of us are so incredibly insecure and afraid. So, inevitably, we want to control each other by setting all kinds of rules of conduct. “He didn’t call in three days” is one of the things I constantly hear from people who happen to have found someone they like who made the grave mistake of not calling in time. Apparently, three days is the cut-off. Three days seems to be the maximum amount of time that can go by without someone getting in touch before that person is labeled “non-eligible.”
This is just crazy. Three days seems to be the limit before our fear of not being loved takes over. After your first or second date, as hours go by without hearing from the person of your interest, you gradually grow disappointed and may even wrongly accuse him or her of something he or she didn’t do or didn’t feel. And, you do that without any proof to justify your accusations. Your “gut feelings” are the alleged evidence. This is just one of the many examples and struggles out there.
Here’s a personal experience of my own. Today I got a call from someone who supposedly was interested in the question:
How can someone who likes someone else go without calling for three days?
My answer was,
Very simple. When you told me that you couldn’t see me until next week, I thought to myself, “I’ll just wait until next week to give her a call.” Why do you need me to check in every day? Do you need me to reassure you every day that I still like you, or that I’m still interested in you?
Out of fear of being rejected, many people are going to make phone calls like the one I got today, and label people like me unworthy.
He broke my rules, he mustn’t be interested in me. He just wants to have sex.
I believe that is one of the most popular thoughts that most single women out there have. To those of you who may think like this, here’s an FYI. MOST PEOPLE ARE INTERESTED IN WHAT IT IS THAT YOU VALUE MOST IN LIFE.
I’m looking for something serious. I don’t want to just have fun.
Are you kidding me? Why would anyone want to be with someone so controlling? And, what’s wrong with having fun? These, again, are attempts to control others — attempts disguised as so-called personal values or high moral standards. But in fact, they’re really an attempt to set as many rules as possible — like throwing a net into the sea hoping to find a great catch, literally.
Well, I sail and fish in the same sea. These are my SIX do’s and don’ts that will help you have a strong connection and start a great relationship:
1) Don’t presume. Don’t presume that she likes you, and don’t presume she doesn’t like you. Just stay open and try to connect with each other.
2) Don’t overthink things. Don’t try to figure out if you like him or her. Instead, how about trying to feel the answer to that question? Lead with your head — but follow your heart.
3) Don’t rush to disappointment. Instead, slow down and cherish the good moments. Positive personal connections happen in a happy, friendly environment, not in a controlled, regimented one.
4) Be more positive. Talk positively about yourself. No one wants to hear what’s wrong with your body, your life, or why you don’t look and feel your best.
5) Promote what’s good about you, not what you hate about yourself. Let your partner decide what he likes or doesn’t like about you.
6) Be a happy person. Have a life. You may think you want to hear your partner describing everything that he or she thinks about you. However, if that happens, deep down you’ll be thinking to yourself, “Does this person have nothing better to do all day than think about me???” You’ll probably conclude that he or she clearly has NO LIFE.
I mean, we are all so insecure that we tend to both love and dislike our partners at the same time. We want a relationship, but when things go well, we may become afraid that we might actually get one!
Next time you’re on your second date — or your third, or even your fifth date, just relax and enjoy a great conversation, a good meal, and an even better bottle of wine. Don’t be a schmuck. Let the evening happen organically. There’s plenty of time for drama later.
Your goal in any relationship is to SAY WHAT YOU FEEL WHEN YOU FEEL IT, AND, TO GET WHAT YOU WANT WHEN YOU WANT IT. Take it from me, that’s one of the hardest things to do out there.