Goals Vs Habits. What holds us back?
How is your summer going?
While some of us enjoy this season, others dread it, too embarrassed by our winter bods to hit the beach, feeling left behind as usual. If this is you, you are not alone.
We all have dreams and goals. Maybe yours is to be leaner, more successful, famous, wealthier, debt-free. By definition, these aspirations belong to the future, but achieving them requires dedication to the present.
For most of us, the person we are today is not the person we want to be. There are actually two of us: the “us” at the present time, with goals and dreams, but out of shape, stressed-out over time and money, perhaps even lonely and depressed. Then there’s the “us” in the future: in great shape, successful, living the dream, achieving our ultimate goals. Some people know exactly who they want to become, while others are still looking for their purpose. However, everyone’s dream most likely includes happiness.
The challenge is, that we can become so infatuated with our future self we lose sight of what’s holding us back today. Getting where we want to be requires an appreciation and awareness of our current habits. The little things we do regularly without much awareness.
We look and feel the way we do today because of what we did yesterday and all the days before. For example, we can’t be lean today if we’ve habitually eaten poorly.
Subconsciously, we hang onto our current habits because it’s what we know. It’s our comfort zone. It’s who we think we are, even when it doesn’t move us forward. And then we wonder why we feel stuck.
On the other hand, it’s not hard to recognize our habits if we put our mind to it. Try sitting in a public place and watch people walk by. Notice everyone’s habits. They’re easy to see. They’re written all over their bodies and their body posture, too.
You can choose to believe you can’t change. You can choose to like your bad habits. You can choose not to do something better because it’s easier not to. You are in control. You make the decisions for yourself. No one else. You.
I invite you to take a few minutes and write down your goals. Perhaps they’re a bit fuzzy, but that’s OK. Need help? Start with the end result. Here’s an example:
- Do I want to be happy? Yes.
- What makes me happy about my appearance? A lean body.
- How do I get a lean body? Start going to the gym, eat healthier, maybe even fast.
- What makes me happy about my life? A loving relationship.
- How do I get a loving and supporting partner? Take a hard look at myself, ask difficult questions, start therapy if I need it, maybe even consult a divorce lawyer. Then hit the dating sites.
- What makes me happy about my finances? Stability/greater wealth.
- How do I improve my financial life? Research where my current skills might pay better. Learn new skills. Work a side-job for a while and put the money away for a bigger project. (Creative “extra income” sometimes becomes a real business.) Network. Many opportunities are through connections, not advertised, get out there and meet people. Develop better social skills. Learn how to be a good listener rather than inundating people with “I” stories. Get a life coach.
Once your goals are written down, consider your thought patterns. Appreciate that you’ve trained yourself to like certain things — that we pursue the behaviors we like without much thought. For example, we might love eating pasta and ice cream and binging TV shows. But then we hate our bodies. And the problem isn’t the mirror, or the scale, or the extra pounds and love handles. It’s our habits. We go on autopilot and forget that what we do today MATTERS. Our future self depends on it.
What about your love life? Do you like the routine, behaviors, and illusions of being “in love” so much that you’ll settle for a bad situation? Think again. If we’re in a toxic relationship the problem isn’t our partner. It’s our lack of courage to walk away.
Train yourself to like what supports your goals. Try thinking “steamed veggies” without conjuring up the words “gross” or “boring.” After all, your lean body isn’t gross or boring.
See your habits the way you see your future self. Look at exercising the same way you see that lean body on the beach. Get excited about a new and healthy relationship, rather than letting the fear of starting over get the best of you. Chip away at a better financial situation, rather than complaining because you can’t afford something.
Training your brain into new habits is like training your muscles. The more we do it, the easier it gets and the better we get at it. We are more likely to achieve success if we appreciate the road that takes us there. Focus on who you want to be, yes. But fall in love with the journey. Change is never easy, but it is always rewarding.
We can sit here all day and find reasons why we are the way we are. Screw that. Let’s move forward. Let’s not waste another second on things that hold us back. Your best self is waiting for you. Go for it.
God bless,
Leo